Diary of a Choc Addict
Intro
So here are the facts – I am giving up chocolate for lent. We’re talking no chocolate bars, no hot chocs, no choc biscuits, no fudge – NOTHING. The longest I can remember ever going without chocolate is seven days. Once I tried to give it up for a week in Lent and accidentally (honest – it was an accident) ate an ice cream that had chocolate flavouring. I have a feeling this experience will be akin to a junkie giving up the gear. I feel a bit like Pete Doherty and actually his face springs to mind every time I think of what I’m doing. Cold Turkey. None of the brown or white stuff….Can I do it? Will I break? Will I serve as a cautionary tale to other addicts out there or will this diary be hidden away, only to be re-read by myself as I shamefully eat a Mars bar? Only time will tell. The 44 days begins…
Day One (March 3)
I have brought my supplies to work – the usual stuff; an apple, sandwich, muesli and additional “choc” substitutes of toast with jam (this is to be my new treat) and a crunchola bar. Unfortunately (or fortunately) today I don’t need it as we have a supplied morning tea at work. Temptation! I avoid the choccies and go for the chips. Note to diary – long term substituting of chocolate for other equally dodgy food groups is not the ideal way I want to go. I watch Christos eat three chocolate sponge rolls and do not feel desire only wonder if he is now consuming my equivalent…
Day Two (March 4)
Alcohol seems to have proven a welcome distraction. Wake up a tad hungover and think how well some jaffas would go…Thankfully I have none in my room and my lemon detox drink and muesli go down a treat. No real temptation pangs today but find myself telling Louise and Chris K about how I am on day two of challenge…then think on that with a mixture of proud and embarrassment…I’m two days in – there really is nothing to be commending self on at this point!
Day Three (March 5)
Half a donut, some creamy Greek cake…I feel like I’m cheating somewhat. I am going to be better and not just eat half of Melbourne to get through the loss of chocolate. It makes me aware that we get so used to something in our lives. I need to stop going on about “not having chocolate”. Housemates are being very supportive…hence the jam donut. Their hearts were in the right place.
Day Four (March 6)
Oscars day. Pretty much distracted by that!
Day Five (March 7)
Realization occurs. I had a couple of headaches and felt light headed a few days in the day. Felt it again today and connected that perhaps body is suffering with-drawls. Donna looked up on internet and apparently your body does suffer different symptoms when giving up caffeine. Obviously I’m not doing that but choc does have caffeine and still…maybe it’s sugar with-drawls as well.
In other choc related info , last night I had a dream that I accidentally ate a choc top ice cream…this is very like my KFC dreams…When I first gave it up I kept dreaming that I forgot and ate it…
Day Seven (March 9)
A new low. In lieu of any other “substance” abuse, I have taken to having a coffee around 10am in the morning. Decaf, One sugar, latte. I have been able to rationalize that due to it being decaf it is not as though I am substituting caffeine for chocolate.
Around 3pm today I got so low on energy and craving a sugar fix that I resorted to my own personal (well Chris K’s stash) of Methadone, a.k.a honey. She provided me with two teaspoons of. Hit the spot but only made me wonder how much of this is all due to monotony and boredom…don’t seem to feel quite as antsy for choc etc on weekends…even when I was allowed it…back in those old days of seven days ago...
I speak to mum on the phone tonight. When I relay my ”symptoms” she advises I maybe diabetic…I think it’s simply the result of me trying to break a lifetime habit…It’s a funny thing what we get used to…All I can say is at this point I really think I am going to enjoy Easter Sunday…I think it’s when you deny yourself something it makes it seem all the more special and desirable…You want what you can’t have after all…
Day Seventeen (March 19)
Ok…so my plan of not eating other crap in lieu of chocolate? I’m not sure how we classify chips, sweet chilly philly, bacon and egg muffins, maccas, ice cream…not going to the gym…Alright this past week has been called “naughty week” and that ain’t no lie. As of Tuesday though I figure if I can give up chocolate I can give up all other crap…well most other crap…It’s kinda crazy to think I’m on day seventeen…right now Leigh is making a chocolate cake for Emma’s birthday…and at my friend’s wedding last week there was a giant divine looking chocolate laden wedding cake…as well as these white chocolate cases where strawberries were inside…I ate the strawberries and put the chocolate to one side…I tell you what…some days…no…some moments this is hard…but most of the time I feel ok…I feel I can and am going to do it…rock on…
Day Eighteen (March 20)
Said birthday cake wound up being stored in my wardrobe. Harsh. The tempting warm aroma of chocolate wafted sweetly through every corner of my room. Makes you think that would be a nice scent to have in ones room –although I’m sure it wouldn’t be beneficial for ones overall health and diet incentive. Still it wasn’t too hard not to get up in the middle of the night and stuff my face (partly because that would be incredibly horrible to eat someone’s birthday cake). Tomorrow will be harder as I’m really trying to give up all the other “crutch” food – chippies, lollies etc because that just seems…a little bit cheaty that’s all.
Day Twenty-One (March 23)
Easter can be a mean thing…Why is there so much chocolate in the supermarket?
Day Thirty (April 1)
Over half way. Can’t quite believe it. Have realized though you get to a point where it becomes easier…it’s because the choice is almost taken from you…I am simply not allowed chocolate so if someone offers me a few stray choccies or a bite of a Magnum ice cream or a yummy home-made concoction of chocolate ice cream delights…it’s a simple “I can’t have it but thanks.” It’s like a dietary issue. Some people can’t eat peanuts or wheat…I don’t do chocolate…which is funny to hear myself say that.
Day Thirty- Three (April 4)
Only 11 days to go… I’m over a third of the way there. Plus I have been (mostly) resisting other temptations…I admit I had a yellow donut (I know yellow isn’t a flavour but I’ll be blowed if I know what flavour it was purporting to be) today but I don’t think that’s any reason to feel guilty. I also did NOT have my usual Choc-substitute-but-pretending-it’s-not-decaf-coffee today…perhaps that’s why I got briefly lethargic and moody in the afternoon but I believe that has more to do with the tres boring work meeting I had than anything “naughty” foods. I
It’s at this point in my Lent / Project that I really want to think about what I want out of this beyond the whole Lent experience. First off I want to be able to enjoy the chocolate I consume (note the word consume and not gorge) on Easter Sunday without overdoing it and not truly appreciating the taste. Secondly though I really want to cut down on my usual day to day consumption. I’m aware there’s worse things in the world a person can eat but if I want to be a fit, healthy, body aware person, I think cutting down and really savouring the choc I eat is better than a “I’m bored / slightly puckish / just thought of choc therefore let’s eat some” approach to my milk chocolatey weakness.
Day Forty (April 12)
All I can say is five days to go…Today we binged out at work on a small bag of those candy bananas (really powdery and yellow – cue lots of “is that a banana in your hand” etc type jokes) which I bought…Well there’s this guy at work who comes in once a week with a lolly trolley…He’s bad…It’s basically like a lingerie clad model going strolling around some horny teenage guy’s house…how can you possibly resist? (That’s the worst analogy…blame the lack of chocolate.) Today my lack of chocolate drove me to thinking a customer at work’s surname was CADBURY when it fact it read CARBURY…so close, right? Hmmm…I feel confident that these last five days will be okay…I’m on the home straight…I just need to stay focused and remember I’m doing this for God…and my stomach…
Day of Reckoning
The day I was allowed to eat chocolate…Weirdly enough I wasn’t too excited…possibly the hangover I had was not an encouraging sign in terms of putting anything in my mouth…let alone chocolate. However in the spirit of Easter and the fact there was a gigantic amount of chocolate available at my parents house to eat I nobly did my bit…It tasted very sweet and was a bit rich and couldn’t manage to eat it all but there we go….I did it…Despite my dad trying to tempt with chocolate Tim Tam biscuits on Friday (two days before the said allowed day) I stood strong…
Aftermath…
Ok so my thoughts that I would be able to resist chocolate easier appear to be vaguely unfounded….I’m blaming Easter as there is so much chocolate hanging around pleading to be eaten…Heaven forbid I blame myself…but I think when this burst is over…will be good again…although clearly not as good as the past 44 days…although who knows? If I’ve done it once…it shows I can do it. The chocoholic can live without their chocolate…so I’m holding out hope for Pete Doherty…Heroin can’t be too much worse…surely?
